I have a "clingy" child, she is our youngest child, she has now turned seven. She gets stressed, throws the odd tantrum, doesn't like going to bed alone.
And she just quit brownies.
She has also wanted, even entered the building in all the gear, to start ballet classes. She didn't though.
And I feel we failed. She feels she failed.
And now we find ourselves worrying and questioning and feeling judged. The big question rolling around our heads, is it because she's home-educated? Would we have this confident child, ready to run off to school and whatever extra curricular club took her fancy? If we made her? Should we have made her? Brought her crying and left her knowing, believing that she would calm down after a little while. Trusting the "she'll be fine" both the brownie leaders and the ballet teacher gave us?
Well we haven't, we won't. She really wanted to give Brownies a try, but every week an internal battle was going on in her head. Weighing up wanting to go with wanting to stay with us. This time home won. She just didn't enjoy it enough. She didn't, through no fault of the lovely leaders, feel safe and happy enough to stay. She told us she had fun and did like it when there, we picked her up happy and smiling. But really she was on an hour and a half long roller coaster of emotion that even the leaders could see.
And so now we say it's okay. Try things. When it feels right you'll stay. You'll have fun the whole time. Because I know something that all the people, who watch when this "big girl" cries or cuddles or clings, do not, or have maybe forgotten. We also have an actual big girl who was very much the same. Completely refused to join anything, wouldn't participate in sports day, got upset and had tantrums. Bur, She went to school. Nobody worried that she didn't do ballet or brownies.
Did she fail?
I also know a woman and when she was a girl, starting a new school, completely flipped. Hid under a table and refused to come out. Threw her bag at people and shouted. She was nine. She was me.
I also know that my "clingy" girl runs off and spends three hours of Saturday morning at a music and performing arts centre. Where she is now doing ballet, tap and three instruments. Followed by two hours at art club. And I barely see her for 6 hours at home-ed group and that she'll happily roller skate for an hour with all new kids without needing to hold my hand.
And so I'll take your withering looks and politely refuse your offers to take my girls (or boys) from me because they'll be fine in a minute. I will keep offering chances and new opportunities. And I will hug, reassure and promise to listen to my children's fears.
Because none of us have failed. We have made a choice.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Well said. I was that little girl too. My parents were very good at encouraging me where I felt comfortable. In time, that comfort grew into confidence. I value my home-focused upbringing.
ReplyDeleteMy only regret is that I was often allowed to quit when I simply didn't want to do something. It wasn't a matter of fear. Often it was that I didn't want to endure the temporary discomfort or put in the practice to improve. As an adult, I am trying daily to reverse that habit and become a "finisher" of what I start.
I think it's a balance. (Isn't everything in life?) We want to provide a safe haven for our children to run to when they feel insecure. We're also trying to instill a sense of responsibility in our children: we finish what we start, even when it's hard. I think it helps them to carefully consider something before they begin.
Thanks! Hopefully we are finding that balance.
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